Just a message to those that know who they are and who know who I am. If you have ever read the children’s book, The True Story of The Three Little Pigs, then this is how this feels writing this.
It does seem ridiculous to me that I am having to justify and explain something that happened over 20 years ago in my youth but I do. We live in a crazy world. One of the few things I have been gifted with however is a very, very good memory. Unfortunately, very few others seem to be blessed with this talent. I can recount the events that happened back on that day very accurately and I can do it better than anyone else can because I know precisely what I was thinking on that day – no one else knows this.
I have made attempts to explain this before to others, maybe some of you. I know you haven’t believed me and that’s probably because I was always trying to protect some others as well as myself. It is always been my view that you don’t drop others in it. It is a shame a certain other person did not think this way. Also, since this incident I have felt an enormous amount of guilt. Why? Well mainly because it was so out of character. I mean I’m the sort of person that, in the days before mobile phones, when I needed to make the odd personal phone call I would go to the pay phone at work and use that. Also, at work, I have never once tried to cover up a mistake I have made. Even in cases when I could have let mistakes I have made be hidden, I have always come clean and owned up.
As a result I have always felt bad about the incident with “that item”. I will go exactly through what happened. I am prepared to undergo any polygraph testing on this. I wonder if any others who say it didn’t happen like this would be prepared to undergo such testing?
It was coming up to my last days with the company. I was going to leave to start another job elsewhere so I was in a somewhat de-mob happy mood. A group of us were in the old store room, where if anyone remembers, was full of junk. I saw an old vacuum pump. I said casually, I could do with that for my air brushing. Now if any of you know anything about air brushing, you will know that a simple vacuum pump is no good for air brushing. Aside from the fact that you have the difficulty of how you connect the brush to the pump you also need to have a reservoir and a pressure cut off switch. Anyway, two others that were there said something like, well why don’t you take it out then? And encouraged me to take it. Saying it was a heap of junk that would never be used (which it was). I thought about it and I suppose because I was in a pretty daft mood anyway thought, “Well what if I got someone to take it out for me as a joke?” It is difficult to explain what went on in those days only to say the working environment was very different to how it is now. We were young lads constantly messing around and things from time to time went too far – as in this case. I spoke to a certain KL and asked what he thought. He then went up to KM and asked him if he could take it out – saying it was someone else’s and they would pick it up later. So there you are, KL asked KM to take it out – FACT. Ask KM. I have tried my best to contact KM myself – I have tried to look him up on the electoral role and I have tried to contact him via Friend Reunited. No success. A few years ago when I spoke to KL about this and KL suddenly didn’t know what I was talking about (it’s a shame he couldn't remember all about it when he shot his mouth off in the bar that night), when I suggested we meet with KM to talk about it as I'm sure he would remember, KL was very reluctant to do this– I wonder why?
I handed KM the item and he took it out lunch time when he had half a day’s holiday. Now, KL obviously felt bad about this and when KM went out to leave at lunch time, KL went after him. I thought he was going to tell him not to take it but he actually just made sure he wasn’t stopped. If he was stopped I don’t know what KL would have done. Knowing him to be the coward he is, he would of no doubt just run off and denied everything. All I can say is, had KM been caught taking it out, I would have come forward and explained. I don’t suppose there is any way I could prove that but I would have. So there you have it. After work, KL and myself went to pick up the item from KM's house – KL drove me there. Now I felt bad about this. I felt bad because I’d put KM at risk (although it wasn’t just me). I also felt bad about the property I had taken. I decided I would take it back the next week – which as I recall was my last week in the place anyway.
I never did get around to taking it back. It was rather a big item and I wondered how I could get it back and since I was leaving the company anyway I didn’t bother. Also, I cannot emphasise how worthless this item was. It was not like I could make use of it or I could sell it. I left the company.
After this KL built up a friendship (of sorts) with a chap called PT. They used to meet after playing football and chat over drinks. Now you have to remember I have left the company at this time. KL loved and probably still loves to tell outrageous stories about people. Now I‘ve done some pretty mad things – I jumped out of a window at a party once when I was in bed with a girl ( when I thought a rather large rugby playing chap was just about to biff me), I got a lady on reception at work to put out some prank tannoy calls (all evil stuff yeah?), I once took a detour across some school fields when I was driving someone from work home. Now KL is one of life’s spectators. Anyone who knows him will know that he will very often not do anything himself (as he is a coward) but he will encourage others to do things. Then he will gladly tell others about it to make him look good (or others bad). I think of it as living his life by proxy. So KL was desperately trying to get on the good side of PT (anyone who knows KL will know he has always tried hard to improve his social status – with little effect it might be added). KL loved to tell the outrageous stories, but conveniently, left his involvement out of them; PT loved to hear the stories.
Now the strange thing is, I came back to work at this company about 18 months later – where I went didn’t work out and so I came back. I worked there for another 6 years I think. All the time I had this “item” in my shed. Believe it or not, right up until the time I left I had planned to take back the item. I never got around to it and that is the truth – you know how it is when you keep meaning to do something but there is no pressing urgency. It stayed with us in the shed. We moved house, several times, and it stayed. My wife used it as a door stop for the shed. So here we are, I left the company again. If I might say I worked very hard whilst I was there. Also, I was interested to see when I returned there about ten years later that my diffusion cells that I got made to my own design when I did my MSc, were still there along with my Perspex clamps – that I bought myself and my dad made in his shed. In fact there were many things there I noticed, still being used, that I had spent time making in my own time or had bought myself and never claimed the money back – ironic don’t you think?
Anyway, I go off and work for other companies – If I might say though I was never that happy or settled in this line of work. There was something about all those companies I never liked – mostly of individuals with a superiority complex which seems to be endemic in this line of work. I went back to work at this place again (3rd time lucky) this time the company as we know had changed names. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you the rest of the story. There is however something I’d like to say. It has been interesting the way things have happened. I know for a fact that most people must have been told a different version of the story to what happened – that is natural – it something that is being told about 5th or 6th hand after a period of about 20 years – things are bound to get added to etc. Also, you must think to yourself the people that want to “get” me will do anything and say anything to get you on their side. They will lie – believe me if they are prepared to lie to my doctor in writing they are prepared to do anything. So who really are the bad guys in this? Me, for doing a single, very stupid thing, 20 years ago in my youth which I have always regretted? Or them for effectively trying everything they can to ruin my life and perhaps drive me to suicide (which will never happen by the way)? Mmmm.
I know for a lot of you the actual incident is irrelevant. You like the fact that you can join in with this and put the boot in and it is sanctioned from above – you are being allowed to be bullies and it is condoned by your superiors so it is OK. You are no different to the Germans that put people in gas chambers. They probably derived glee from it just as you have but were told by their superiors that this was the right thing. Watching Saddam get hung with others jeering and taunting him reminds me of you lot. Watching those people baying for Jade Goody’s blood after she was evicted from Big Brother. It is exactly the same thing; you are part of a mob with mob mentality.
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